Lil Dicky - Professional Rapper
[Intro: Lil Dicky & Juanita]
Hello, how can I help you?
Hi, my name's Dave Burd
Uh, I have an appointment today
It's probably under "Lil Dicky", actually
I'm a... I'm a rapper, so...
Okay, and who are you here to see?
Uh, Snoop Dogg? Says here "Snoop D-O-G-G"
Oh, yeah, he's right down the hall, first door to your rightGive him a knock and he should be right with you
Thanks
It's uh, this door right here, right?
Mhm
Thank you
[Verse 1: Lil Dicky & ]
Thanks, I'm Dave, very nice to meet
No problem, sir, let me just say
I'm a big fan of the shit that y'all make
I can't lie, I been thinkin' 'bout this all day
Sure, I was undergrad down there in Richmond
Before that
Oh, you talkin' 'bout my hometown? (Yeah)
I was born out of Philly, grew up in a little silly old town called Cheltenham
It was in the suburbs, upper-middle wealth around
I wouldn't say it like that
We just had a different kind of trap ()
Well I ain't never had a tool but I had to be the man at school
Like, I was doing shit I had to do
So when I finished undergrad, I'm cool
And I could get whatever job I wanted
But the job you wanted wasn't all that bumpin'
Yeah, and I saw it quick all the flaws that be comin'
When you grow up like that, when you been racin' them rats
You ain't been makin' them raps
Boo-hoo what a hardship
Man, my Bar Mitzvah money
But don't diss me buddy, I wasn't one of them youngins
Up on the block who had nothin' to lose
I must've wanted this a lot, I had somethin' to choose
Yeah, I guess— Oh my God, it's the best
Bitches let me draw up on their breasts
Literally, I can reinvent myself
I get a forum to project myself, it's never borin'
Every mornin' I wake up and try to best myself
I never got to be suppressed or stealthy to express myself
It's kinda healthy—
Sure
Uh...
I wouldn't do shit, and I don't even get
What that got to do with this?
Nah, that's my niche, don't get offended by this
But that's the market y'all missed, that's the target I'll hit
And that's the heart of my pitch
I wanna do this whole thing different
[Interlude: Lil Dicky & Snoop Dogg]
What the fuck you meanYou wanna do the whole thing different?
Uh, you know, I-I think, like, you know
Traditionally people have been doing the job, uh
You know, the same kind of way for a long time
But traditionally speaking, this shit works, right?
Nah, like, I get that
But I-I just think like, you know
You don't know if it could be working even better
And I think you should look at me as an opportunity
To find that out
I don't mean any disrespect by that
I'm just saying I have a different background
Like, a different perspective
Way of looking at things than your typical applicant
So what are your biggest strengths?
[Verse 2: Lil Dicky & ]
Well, my flow is crazy
I can switch that amazin'
For example, I can be like ain't nobody fuckin' with Lil Dicky
When he get up on that shit and spit it sick and ridiculous
Rippin' this shit like it's never been did and
The rhythm is never predictable 'cause I can switch it, deliver this shit in
Whatever cadence you bitches prefer (
Top of that, lyrically, I'm pretty damn clever ()
Got a long bottom bitch, call the ho Neville (Woah)
And I blew it from the jump, Derrick Rose knee (Oh)
You can say I'm pretty smart how I know better
And y'all been winning like Pistorius, it's no feat
Bro, I can go on and on
I'm takin' over any man like father-in-laws
Okay, enough of the punchlineThat ain't showing me you different than the other guys
Well, I don't know if they can run it like that
But ain't nobody else doing funny type rap(What's that?)
Well, I can tell a story 'bout my mornin', watchin' Boy Meets
World and jerkin' off to Topanga Lawrence
Like the fourteen year old Topanga
Nah, it ain't like that, I just happen to be a nutty abundantly
Funny type of individual, like, as a guy
So when I get up on the mic, I ain't finna just lie
Real recognize real, right?
Yeah, I guess... so what you tryna doFive years from now, tell me 'bout the dude
Well, I don't care about the money, like, it's the respect that I'm wanting
Honestly, I just want to be one of the greats
Where they gotta bring your boy up every debate
I don't wanna leave the game the same
Well, I wanna be the dude that came in and made the stand-up rap
Put the random rap in demand like that
For the people that was anti-rap, yet, the fans of rap
Start to recognize that anti-rap
Is ironically one of the real brands of rap left
I guess, I wanna be the best, I just wanna do it my way
And turn the whole game sideways
And show people you ain't gotta be resigned to the highway
You can make a path while these motherfuckers drive straight
() Well thanks, man
That's my plan of my attack, just let me in and I'ma rap the plaques
And I ain't about to win them back to back
I'm 'bout to win them like it's back to back to back
To back to back 'til I stop rapping
(True)
(You misread me)
Well, that's one of my flaws, I'm too competitive, dawg
I get it, you trying to be better than allBut you aren't shit until cheddar's involved
I get that I gotta prove myself
No shit, you ain't done shit
Think about that though, only doing this a couple of years
One tape and I'm like this? This shit is aight for your first shitBut you don't know if it's your worst shit
You don't think finding out would be worth it?
It might be, it might not
[Interlude: Lil Dicky & ]
Wait, like, like I have the job? Like really?
Uh, you- you want me to make a hook up right now?
Do I look like the type of nigga that like repeatin' himself?
Aight, uh, okay
Uh— I'm 'bout to be professional
Homie, I'm professional
Yeah- uh, maybe like a low voice type thing?
Nigga, that shit is garbage, man
Well, you know
I feel like there might have been some upside to it
But I'm not good at thinkin' of things on the spot like that
Don't y'all normally, like
Outsource for that kind of thing sometimes?
Sometimes, heh, but you knowThat was some next level Dogg shit right there
Yeah, you know
I'm just way better when I get to think things through
Have, like, my dual screen action, that kinda thing
Whatever, man, you tryna smoke a blunt?
Right now? Yeah
Sure
[Outro: Lil Dicky, & ]
Thanks, Juanita
Super nice woman
Uh, I really don't wanna be spoken to like that, so...
Damn, that's some great looking weed
It's just so early
D-Did you just say head?
I mean... Just feels like... A lot, right now
But what kind of tea do you guys have?
Actually, I'll take head
Hello, how can I help you?
Hi, my name's Dave Burd
Uh, I have an appointment today
It's probably under "Lil Dicky", actually
I'm a... I'm a rapper, so...
Okay, and who are you here to see?
Uh, Snoop Dogg? Says here "Snoop D-O-G-G"
Oh, yeah, he's right down the hall, first door to your rightGive him a knock and he should be right with you
Thanks
It's uh, this door right here, right?
Mhm
Thank you
[Verse 1: Lil Dicky & ]
Thanks, I'm Dave, very nice to meet
No problem, sir, let me just say
I'm a big fan of the shit that y'all make
I can't lie, I been thinkin' 'bout this all day
Sure, I was undergrad down there in Richmond
Before that
Oh, you talkin' 'bout my hometown? (Yeah)
I was born out of Philly, grew up in a little silly old town called Cheltenham
It was in the suburbs, upper-middle wealth around
I wouldn't say it like that
We just had a different kind of trap ()
Well I ain't never had a tool but I had to be the man at school
Like, I was doing shit I had to do
So when I finished undergrad, I'm cool
And I could get whatever job I wanted
But the job you wanted wasn't all that bumpin'
Yeah, and I saw it quick all the flaws that be comin'
When you grow up like that, when you been racin' them rats
You ain't been makin' them raps
Boo-hoo what a hardship
Man, my Bar Mitzvah money
But don't diss me buddy, I wasn't one of them youngins
Up on the block who had nothin' to lose
I must've wanted this a lot, I had somethin' to choose
Yeah, I guess— Oh my God, it's the best
Bitches let me draw up on their breasts
Literally, I can reinvent myself
I get a forum to project myself, it's never borin'
Every mornin' I wake up and try to best myself
I never got to be suppressed or stealthy to express myself
It's kinda healthy—
Sure
Uh...
I wouldn't do shit, and I don't even get
What that got to do with this?
Nah, that's my niche, don't get offended by this
But that's the market y'all missed, that's the target I'll hit
And that's the heart of my pitch
I wanna do this whole thing different
[Interlude: Lil Dicky & Snoop Dogg]
What the fuck you meanYou wanna do the whole thing different?
Uh, you know, I-I think, like, you know
Traditionally people have been doing the job, uh
You know, the same kind of way for a long time
But traditionally speaking, this shit works, right?
Nah, like, I get that
But I-I just think like, you know
You don't know if it could be working even better
And I think you should look at me as an opportunity
To find that out
I don't mean any disrespect by that
I'm just saying I have a different background
Like, a different perspective
Way of looking at things than your typical applicant
So what are your biggest strengths?
[Verse 2: Lil Dicky & ]
Well, my flow is crazy
I can switch that amazin'
For example, I can be like ain't nobody fuckin' with Lil Dicky
When he get up on that shit and spit it sick and ridiculous
Rippin' this shit like it's never been did and
The rhythm is never predictable 'cause I can switch it, deliver this shit in
Whatever cadence you bitches prefer (
Top of that, lyrically, I'm pretty damn clever ()
Got a long bottom bitch, call the ho Neville (Woah)
And I blew it from the jump, Derrick Rose knee (Oh)
You can say I'm pretty smart how I know better
And y'all been winning like Pistorius, it's no feat
Bro, I can go on and on
I'm takin' over any man like father-in-laws
Okay, enough of the punchlineThat ain't showing me you different than the other guys
Well, I don't know if they can run it like that
But ain't nobody else doing funny type rap(What's that?)
Well, I can tell a story 'bout my mornin', watchin' Boy Meets
World and jerkin' off to Topanga Lawrence
Like the fourteen year old Topanga
Nah, it ain't like that, I just happen to be a nutty abundantly
Funny type of individual, like, as a guy
So when I get up on the mic, I ain't finna just lie
Real recognize real, right?
Yeah, I guess... so what you tryna doFive years from now, tell me 'bout the dude
Well, I don't care about the money, like, it's the respect that I'm wanting
Honestly, I just want to be one of the greats
Where they gotta bring your boy up every debate
I don't wanna leave the game the same
Well, I wanna be the dude that came in and made the stand-up rap
Put the random rap in demand like that
For the people that was anti-rap, yet, the fans of rap
Start to recognize that anti-rap
Is ironically one of the real brands of rap left
I guess, I wanna be the best, I just wanna do it my way
And turn the whole game sideways
And show people you ain't gotta be resigned to the highway
You can make a path while these motherfuckers drive straight
() Well thanks, man
That's my plan of my attack, just let me in and I'ma rap the plaques
And I ain't about to win them back to back
I'm 'bout to win them like it's back to back to back
To back to back 'til I stop rapping
(True)
(You misread me)
Well, that's one of my flaws, I'm too competitive, dawg
I get it, you trying to be better than allBut you aren't shit until cheddar's involved
I get that I gotta prove myself
No shit, you ain't done shit
Think about that though, only doing this a couple of years
One tape and I'm like this? This shit is aight for your first shitBut you don't know if it's your worst shit
You don't think finding out would be worth it?
It might be, it might not
[Interlude: Lil Dicky & ]
Wait, like, like I have the job? Like really?
Uh, you- you want me to make a hook up right now?
Do I look like the type of nigga that like repeatin' himself?
Aight, uh, okay
Uh— I'm 'bout to be professional
Homie, I'm professional
Yeah- uh, maybe like a low voice type thing?
Nigga, that shit is garbage, man
Well, you know
I feel like there might have been some upside to it
But I'm not good at thinkin' of things on the spot like that
Don't y'all normally, like
Outsource for that kind of thing sometimes?
Sometimes, heh, but you knowThat was some next level Dogg shit right there
Yeah, you know
I'm just way better when I get to think things through
Have, like, my dual screen action, that kinda thing
Whatever, man, you tryna smoke a blunt?
Right now? Yeah
Sure
[Outro: Lil Dicky, & ]
Thanks, Juanita
Super nice woman
Uh, I really don't wanna be spoken to like that, so...
Damn, that's some great looking weed
It's just so early
D-Did you just say head?
I mean... Just feels like... A lot, right now
But what kind of tea do you guys have?
Actually, I'll take head
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